Thread: How To: Drive In New Jersey

How to drive in New Jersey ...


Seriously, there are only two things needed to drive effectively in NJ: A horn and a middle finger. Everything else is superfluous, including knowing where you are going.

For those of you who live in Jersey or have lived there, these things may come as no surprise. For those who haven't traveled there before, Beware, Be Prepared and Be Afraid,,,, Be Very Afraid.

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name; it’s Nork - rhymes with Fork, not New-ark. Also, Trenton is not pronounced Trenton, it is Trent-in.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5 A M to NOON. The evening rush hour is from NOON to 7 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3.The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway it's 95. Anything less is considered "Sissy." (Just ask the Governor of NJ)

4.Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second; However, in Monmouth and Burlington counties, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5.If you actually stop at a amber light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6.Never honk at anyone. EVER ! Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.
7.Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of New Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8.Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill.

9.Mapquest does NOT work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes are moved nightly once again to make your ride more exciting.

10.If someone actually uses their Turn Signal, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

11.If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 mph in a 55 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12.Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday appointments, and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

SAFE DRIVING & HAPPY TRAILS ! ! !

edit for the brown people: if you get stopped by highway patrol in places other than paterson or edison.....please be prepared to be either a)shanked b)ticketed c)racially violated d) all of the above

also if your gonna be on the Lincoln tunnel on a weeknight bring food, toiletries, entertainment, and dont plan anything for the next day as you will be moving 2 inches every hour until you get home

Im crazy on jersey roads. I come to LI and everyone is peaceful and drives slow, wtf. Im on my way home in jersey and i manage to feel right at home lol People tail me and cut me off, feels good to be home. lol

lol @ moving construction barrels at night hahaha

and might i add. the one thing in jersey highway travels that i have noticed (mostly on 17) is that the shoulder is not a "shoulder" as we in NY consider it to be. The NJ shoulders are another lane in which you can drive miles until you've A) reached the turn youve been waiting for, or B) feel like you are comfortable and ready enough to merge into the abyss of fellow jersey drivers.

#5 is my favorite

lol at #11...